I just wanna be Fat and Happy!

10930093_10205668231736773_1600680733000718868_nAnd in this corner….. at 5’4…. weighing a staggering 150 lbs……. ME! I don’t really want to talk about it. Yet, here I go.

Who says!! Who says what the right weight is? Who came up with the BMI? I don’t give a shit that Adolphe Quetelet did a study in 1830 to decide what the “normal” body mass of a human being was.

I want to be Fat and happy, why can’t that be? Who says? Supermodels are 6’2 and weigh approx 112 lbs on average, so they finally sign a size 22 model, to be politically cutting edge, and show that you don’t have to be 112lbs to make it! This is utter stupidity. First of all people are going off on her! Are they right? Who the fuck cares, it ALL comes down to opinions, and every single one of us has one! Why do they have to set an example with HER? They couldn’t find a more “average” sized woman, they had to go all “Walmart” size? There is a happy medium. This is not it. I love CrossFit bodies! Honestly I do! That doesn’t mean I want to have one! I have zero interest in having Annie Thorisdottir’s body, and I also have no interest in looking like Kendall Jenner at 115 lbs. Every single person is supposed to be a different weight. We are all different. Why aren’t we just allowed to be different?

It really pisses me off. I know you are all sick of hearing me bitch about my weight. You’re all sick of me complaining, whining, bitching, actually I’m sick of it myself. Yet it persists. I weigh the most I have ever weighed in my life, with the exception of when i was pregnant. I hate it. I feel like I am a bear caught in a trap, with a pizza in my mouth and a cupcake in my hand. It sucks, but it tastes so good. I am way too self-conscious to ever do this but I wonder what would happen if I actually posted a “real” picture of me naked (not pornographic, get your minds out of the gutter) full light, no filters, no tricks or gimmicks, what people would say. Thank god for clothing is all I have to say.

I struggle hourly. I am trapped in a vicious cycle of following mostly CrossFitters, professional athletes at that, there are regular athletes too, bikini models, bloggers, Victoria Secret models, new mothers, weight lifters, fit chicks, and a few “normal people”, but they post mostly meme’s and pictures of food :-). I am insecure, just like the rest of the world, even the people who say they’re not. Every one wants to be seen, acknowledged, heard, appreciated, complimented, praised. That is the ONLY reason Facebook and other social mediums are as popular as they are. It’s also the reason why everyone that swears they wont sign up for it, always ends up doing so (even though some may argue it’s for business, or political reasons, or for family ) everybody just wants to be heard and seen. It is also the reason why we ALL bitch and moan about how stupid and useless Facebook is, yet we can’t get away from it. We try and try, but “every time you think you’re out, they pull you back in” ( Godfather quote).

All we are all trying to do is LIVE LONGER. Its amazing! Paleo, Zone, Atkins, Vegetarian, Gluten Free, No red meat, No dairy products, No soda, No pesticides, No grains, No corn, Fat, No fat, Vegan, eat Apricot seeds to cure cancer, Shark Cartilage, No fast food, Farm raised salmon, wild salmon, fish oil, protein, every single vitamin ever invented, the bullshit list goes on and on. the funniest part is that no one knows, no one has the answer, no one has discovered the magic answer. It is ALL full of shit. Just like the campaign that started the “fat-free” fad 30 years ago, that only led us to where we are now, realizing that Fat free is almost a sure way to get fat, unhealthy, and a multitude of issues. Now everyone is on the “fat is amazing for you” bandwagon, but guess what… we have no clue what the next 30 years will show us, maybe eating bacon everyday for 20 years will lead to brain cancer!! No one knows. I am not being antagonistic here, and I don’t want all you bacon lovers to ‘TP’ my house for this!! All I’m saying is NO ONE KNOWS! We’re guessing, and testing. We are all guinea pigs.

The whole reason for this topic came about for me, for a few reasons. With my recent weight gain, and my extreme resistance to any type of physical activity, I have started questioning it all. Why do I have to do work out 6 days a week? Why do I need to train for a half marathon? Why do I need to exercise everyday? I have 2 Grandmothers, alive and kicking right now! My Bubby is 92 years old. Do you understand what that means? She is 92! She was in a concentration camp during world war II, she was taken from her parents, they were killed, she ate bread and water for years, sometimes a potato, when she was freed, she came to Canada, went on to raise a family, always cooked, baked, loves dairy products, ate bread almost every day of her life, never exercised, not once ever, never did Zumba, or aerobics, never ran or played sports.  She took the sun for decades with no sunscreen, drank wine, drank coffee, ate cookies, didn’t buy organic foods, I think she even smoked for a few years somewhere in the mix. Now, she is no Victoria Secret model, but she is not 300 lbs and … she is 92! She lives by herself, not in a retirement home or senior assisted living. She can walk, she can cook, she is basically in great shape! Mentally and physically. I mean she has a few things that are deteriorating like her hearing and sight, and she has terrible arthritis, but I attribute that to aging in Montreal winters and the years she spent in the concentration camps, with the cold with no shoes and clothes… absolutely astonishing, inconceivable, and she survived it all – all without exercise and without going gluten-free! Amazing!

My Meme (French grandmother) is 96, has also never exercised a day in her life! Ate very well her whole life – baguette every day, cheeses and cold cuts, desserts – lived with second-hand smoke for at least 40 years, never did yoga, olympic weightlifting, went through 2 full-sized nervous breakdowns, a full hysterectomy at age 40-ish, and took many medications at various times in her life. She is in a senior home, but she is 96!!! And still quite lucid at that!

My point with both of these stories is simple: they did everything that you are NOT supposed to do and are still living!! I find it extremely interesting. Karl Lagerfeld is 81 years old and survives on 2 things: a passion for designing and diet coke! He drinks 12 of them a day! and yet he is not obese, diabetic or dying of cancer.

Calm down! I am not bashing any of the things you are doing. Honest I’m not! I am merely pointing out that every one is simply trying not to die. I don’t need to be Paleo if I want to live to be 90. I don’t have to do train every day if I want to live a long life. I admire every single person in the universe that has abs and can do a muscle-up. They are real life superheroes! That doesn’t mean that I have to be like them to live long and prosper. I don’t want a six-pack, I don’t even want a 2 pack, i just don’t want to jiggle and have a pot belly :-).

I’m just trying to find what works for me, while having dessert more than once a week. Why does that have to be so hard?

P.S Leave this fucking model alone!